Tuesday, November 5, 2013

T.J. Tennesseems REAL (Part 2): From Predators to Passed Participants

Surprise! I shaved my head. Here it is mid-shave.
Thanks, Jay! Sorry, mom!

My mom doesn't like the idea of me shaving my head. Oops.

Either shortly before or after Ghost Ranch, Ashley and I painted the inside of a house with her church, Trinity Presbyterian, with Habitat for Humanity. It was a blast! Ashley is a YAVA with a cooler backstory than most. She came FROM Belfast TO serve in Nashville. So she's straight-up Northern Irish. I met her during my year in Belfast. She currently lives here now and is studying at Vanderbilt. During the times I miss Belfast, she makes it a bit easier just by being around.

Ashley and I.
So many jokes to make. Pick one and tell a friend.

Okay, now we're definitely moving past Ghost Ranch. About 10 days after Ghost Ranch, the YAVITs came to Nashville. I do not remember what YAVIT stands for, but I can tell you what they do, which is bring awareness/recruitment of the YAV program to colleges and churches. This year's YAVIT line-up consisted of people I served with in Northern Ireland, which was awesome. I took advantage of this and showed them around Nashville (to the best of my abilities, being a newbie and all).

Courtney, Kathryn, Tricia and I at the Parthenon Replica

This year they trained in Ghost Ranch right after Re-Entry, went to Denver, came to Nashville, and then finished off somewhere else in Tennessee...Clarksville? It was good to hang with them again.

On South Broadway (or as the locals call it: SoBro).
Shortly after this, we were mugged by an Elvis impersonator.
We thought he would be such a sweet old man.

As far as October goes, my birthday and halloween came and went. A lot of awesome things happened during this time. I spent a lot of time with my roommates. We watched horror movies and went on a ghost tour.

Speaking of which, I felt a little spoiled after Edinburgh and Dublin's ghost tours, because the Nashville one seemed so tame compared to those two. Nashville ghosts are nice! They walk through walls, sit around, and sometimes sing at night. Some even throw parties. So if you want to be a scary ghost in your afterlife, don't die in Nashville and/or haunt there. You won't fit in. Me being real with you again. Me being real with you to death.

Anyway, my roommates even got me a gift certificate to my favorite coffee place! Very kind of them. And I learned that one of the comics from a website my friend and I used to run is a mini-viral sensation (meaning it's all over the web). Someone even turned it into a gif.

Happy Halloween!

I actually tried for Halloween this year. I didn't tie a towel around my neck, fashion it as a cape, and call myself "Super Beach Towel Man." Alasia and I wore legit costumes to our workplaces. She was a Ninja Turtle. I was a Jack-O-Lantern or The Great Pumpkin. Whichever. I bought an orange shirt, made a jack-o-lantern stencil, spray-painted it on with fabric-safe paint, wore a long-sleeved green shirt underneath it, and wore a green beanie on top for the stem.

I agreed to be something for Halloween because everyone at work was doing it, and I can see why. The participants at Room in the Inn really enjoyed the costumes. It made them laugh. My co-worker and fellow YAVA Jay dressed up as Waldo, and everyone kept yelling "I found you!" That day at Room in the Inn (or RITI) we had a Monster Mash party with candy and dancing, and I got way funky. Everyone had a good time. Oh! And I got to MC the Evil Laughing Contest. Bwahahaha!

Sarah, Jay, me, and Jesse at the Predators game.
They lost to Toronto. Go Red Wings!

Things at RITI are going well. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with it, and my role is becoming more and more defined. I have dayroom responsibilities, such as working the showers, doing the laundry, helping with the lunch line, and waking people up. I also work behind the desk, which means distributing mail, giving out bus passes, providing proof of homelessness letters, helping people with medication, traveler's aid, state ID's, birth certificates, etc. That stuff is getting easier too, but it still has its challenges, more so than working the dayroom.

Room in the Inn Staff

Room in the Inn has its challenges. Participants will swear and get angry at you all the time. Weird things will happen. Since I've been there, I've witnessed a couple ambulance calls, a participant attempting to take my sweatshirt, a man push over a stack of mail when I told him the mail line was closed, and a woman almost flash me in anger. But compared to most other workers' stories, mine are nothing.

One's romanticism about the homeless community, both good and bad, will be stripped once you spend some time at RITI. I've seen people walk around with a ton of bags, I've seen some wear attire I could never afford. I've seen people leave extremely ungrateful after I've bent over backwards for them, I've seen people extremely grateful for folding their pants. I've seen burn outs, addicts, and drifters. I've seen parents, professors, and scholars. This is all only in two months. I know I'll see more.

Especially since the actual RITI winter season has started. This is when we coordinate participants with a congregation to stay with for the night. I've been told several times that during December through February, I will have no where to sit and no time to chill. I will be busy, busy, busy. Certain homeless people will come from across the country to be a part of the RITI winter season.

All Souls Day @ RITI

My fellow "interns"--easier to collectively call us that then the two volunteers and one student--and I took part in organizing the the All Souls Day memorial service, which was very powerful for me. Before we started organizing it, Jeff and Quiana took us to two city cemeteries, each with a section reserved for people who couldn't afford a grave. One of the sections we went to was not well kept. Weeds grew by the headstones. The headstones had dirt and dead leaves all over the tops of them. The graves rested on uneven ground. There was a hole covered by tacky blue tarp, ready for the next person to eternally rest. When I looked up the hill into the other sections, there was a lot more trinkets placed upon the graves. Flowers, sentimental things, etc. The headstones had a lot more to say than just the name and years.

With all that said, I am grateful that the city of Nashville provided people who couldn't afford graves a place to rest. I'm not sure all cities do that. I'm really not sure. I hear a lot about how well Nashville treats the homeless, and I hear a lot about other cities that don't.

We then visited the other cemetery, which was heartbreaking. It had a bunch of infant graves. Infants that didn't even make it a year. That cemetery was more well-kept, but was right next to a busy road and a bunch of factories. It was sad.

At these places, Jeff and Quiana reminisced about former participants they had known as we stumbled upon their graves. Most of the stories were really funny, some were not. Either way, we honored them at the service.

Jeff, Quiana, Jordan, me, and Nick

The service featured scripture, poems, and a time of prayer. We had employees and participants in attendance. We lit a candle for every participant we were aware of that passed last year, and had their names on the wall. We then asked people to name others they new of. Almost everyone named a couple, especially the participants. We lit candles for them, and then lit a candle for the people who passed that no one knew of. We ended it with the Lord's Prayer, and it just seemed so deafening. I have no idea why. Obviously no one was shouting, but everyone just seemed to be on the same wavelength. I really dug it.

Soon the names of the deceased participants will be listed on the tree (pictured above), by one of the entrances to RITI. This tree offers a place for deceased participants to be honored and recognized, some of whom had never received such a simple privilege that I often take for granted. I've heard of confused families/friends that come to RITI to talk to the staff about a deceased participant who was once, or always was, a significant person in their lives. Whether they are angry, sad, hurt, or baffled at this death, I've been told that they often leave a little more at peace, knowing that their family member/friend at least passed with some form of a community around them. One that RITI was happy to bring them.

Beer and Hymn Night

I refuse to leave this two-part blog on a sad note, so I will say that Friday was a very good night. The people of Downtown Pres hosted a Beer and Hymn Night at a local bar in East Nashville. We drank, we sang, we worshipped, and I had a blast. If I could only say one awesome thing about Nashville--out of the million awesome things to say about it--I would say that from RITI to Downtown Presbyterian, you can always find a community that will take you in and love you as you are.

Even if you shave your head.

T.J. Tennesseems REAL (Part 1.5): Ghost Ranch via Emmatation


My previous blog was written about Ghost Ranch, but why write about it when you can see it for yourself? Check out Emily's four part vlog (vlog=video blog) about Re-Entry! It features a lot of fellow YAVs/YAVA, including yours truly.

T.J. Tennesseems REAL (Part 1): Ghost Ranch, the Karl Complex, Acting Differently, and the Truth

Let's kick this off with a horrid, awkward picture. Why?
BECAUSE I WANT TO GET OVER IT
(Me, Emily, and Alaylay)

I know, I know. We haven't spoken in a while, you guys. It's been about a month or so. But come on. If you aren't my mom and you've seriously been dying to know what's been happening with me and my year in Nashville, then you need a life. Plain and simple. And that's my tough love to you for the day. Sorry that I had to get so real with you for a second, but actually I'm not, because now I'm about to get even more real. Can you even handle it? I don't even care what your answer is. More tough love. Don't worry. You will be stronger for it.

Before I start this blog, I have to thank a bunch of people for letting me steal their pictures without asking for their permission whilst using them for my own gain: Alasia, Ashley, Jay, Jeff, Tavi, Tricia...I thank you all. I never take pictures, and you guys do, and this is your punishment. If I ever win some kind of award for this blog or series of pictures, you will not receive any credit or compensation. You guys needed a blow to your egos anyway. Get over yourselves. Anyone can take a picture, and I'm only slightly grateful that you guys take great pictures of me and my obnoxious face.

ME AND MY OBNOXIOUS FACE

See? More real.

But in all seriousness, I haven't written in a while and a lot has happened, so I'm going to display a series of awesome events through (other peoples') pictures.

And I promise that from here on out, if it gets too real for you, I'll hold your hand.

Ghost Ranch, the Karl Complex, Acting Differently, and the Truth
Reunion. What up?
(Former Belfast YAVs, including Karl & Kendra, who served in Belfast the year before ours)

Ghost Ranch is a Presbyterian haven in New Mexico used for conferences, events, etc. With the beautiful backdrop of desert, open sky, and God-sculpted rock formations, it is also therapeutic, and is appropriately used as a place for healing. So of course it makes sense that it is where YAVs who have just finished a year of service (in this case 2012-2013) go to reconnect with their fellow volunteers/YAVA/YAV staff, reflect on the past 12 months, get a solid spiritual feeding, and in some ways, receive closure. This event is called Re-Entry.

Belfast YAVs Again

Some of Ghost Ranch was comfortably predictable, which I appreciated. Plenty of time to catch up with the group you served with, with great people you befriended at orientation before they went off to their different site and that you kept in touch with during your year, to discuss your site with the good folks who run the program in Kentucky.

Some things were surprising. I got to meet Karl and his wife Kendra in person. This was significant to me, because I heard so much about him during my year in Belfast. He wasn't just a YAV before me, he was thee YAV before me. He was at the 174 Trust the year before I was. He was at Woodvale Methodist the year before I was. I got to meet him for two reasons:

1.) He did a second YAV year in Tucson, which means he got to go to Ghost Ranch. Also, can I just point out that 174 Trust/Woodvale Methodist both hosted two YAVs in a row who went on to do second years? There's definitely something seriously awesome about those placements.

2.) Anna goes to Columbia Seminary with him and became his friend. Anna is very bossy and pushy, so I would have inevitably met him whether I was willing to or not. Also, I'm kidding. Anna would never push me to do something I'm uncomfortable with. Though one time she peeled several of my oranges and threw the peelings in various areas of my flat.

Me and David hugging some guy. I can't tell who it is.
David, who is it?

It was surreal to meet Karl. I say this because when I first got to Belfast, it felt like people who worked with him wouldn't shut up about him. I heard how funny Karl was, how smart/wise Karl was, how much Karl had started at Woodvale, which was a new placement during his year. Because of this, I initially kept comparing myself to him--a dude I had never met. I developed and forced a short-lived unnecessary Karl Complex upon myself. This was admittedly stupid, and is now hilarious to me.

People who "kept talking" about Karl--which means they mentioned him two or three times over a span of 3 months--were dealing with the fact that they loved him, and he amicably just left their lives. It had nothing to do with me. Besides, the classic cliche is true: Karl and I are different people. Different people have different strengths, weaknesses, blessings, and gifts. Once I realized this and briefly met Karl during an impromptu skype session with another friend in Tucson, I stopped resenting the poor guy. He didn't even know I was resenting him.

I remember at one point I told my former site coordinator Doug Baker about my Karl Complex. He didn't laugh, but I could tell he was tickled. "Well, T.J.," Doug said, typically thoughtful with his word choice. "Karl is a great YAV. I actually think you two would get along, so I find this amusing." He said something like that anyway, and he was right. Karl is funny, a good leader, and smart/wise. I definitely dig the guy and I'm really glad I got to meet him in person, got to know him better, laugh with him, and reflect on Belfast with him. I look forward to seeing him again later this year, because I'll definitely be hitting up ATL, and he will definitely be seeing me, whether he wants to or not, because Anna.

My advice to YAVs both present and future, don't develop a Karl Complex. A Karl Complex is insecurity-enhancing, shallow, petty, and a waste of your time. You will regret having it later. If you ever encounter a YAV who did excellent the year before you, approach it differently than I did. Embrace the fact that the YAV before you did a wonderful job, that they received/distributed love in your community, that they represented your program well, and that you and that person will have a lot to talk about should you ever meet them. It's not always easy, but it's the way it should be, my babies. Remember: Nobody likes a Karl Complex.

Karl, when you read this, I would have told you that I was writing about you, but I didn't have your phone number. Also, do you like my new haircut? More on that later. Also, I love you. More on that later.

"YAVlings of Ghost Ranch, hear thy cry! Weep in joy, for T.J. is thy ruler!"

As I said earlier, some things about Ghost Ranch were surprising. I knew I was acting differently, but it surprised me in what ways I was acting differently. Reverse-Culture shock? It barely touched me. But believe me, I was still coping. For me, I was simply more distant. More withdrawn. More mysterious and sexy...okay, maybe not the last bit, but definitely the first two bits. During my first month of Nashville, I figured I would have found myself trying to get to know my roommates right away and exploring my new home like woah, but I didn't. We had our orientation meetings, and then I'd retreat to a coffee shop to read or write. Now, I still read and write frequently, but now I definitely find myself getting to know people better and exploring new places most weekends. But it took Re-Entry's uncomfortable yet needed exploration of self to help me get from there to where I am now. I feel a lot more like myself again, and I definitely didn't during the first month of Nashville.

Not Ghost Ranch

Something shocking to me was that not everyone has an amazing, perfect year. Some placements don't go as planned, some site coordinators and YAVs have difficulties with each other, and some communities straight-up go to hell. For some people, all three happen! Damn! So some people came to Re-Entry hella sad, or confused, or angry, or all three, or all three and more. This confused me, since I got really close with my roommate, had a blast with my community, considered my site coordinator to be an extremely valuable mentor, and I learned a lot/had so much fun at my placements. I was expecting to celebrate our year, and some of my fellow volunteers came to Ghost Ranch broken-hearted? Who do I blame for this? What is this crap?

Hay hay hay! Hold your horses! (Anyone notice how I spelled "hey" and then talked about horses? I hope you laughed.) I'm speaking the truth, but it's not to be scandalous. I've never been a hater on the YAV program, nor will I ever be. I have a couple of things to say about this controversial truth that is not that controversial...

1.) The people have a right to be upset. I'm not going to preach and be like "You guys, get over it." The fact of the matter is, some of my friends had a rough year.

2.) I will not feel awful for having an awesome year. In fact, friends who had a rough year were so grateful and supportive of me for having such a positive experience, and I really appreciated that. It reminded me that the YAV community is not a bitter community, but a passionate one.

3.) The YAV year was still life-changing, and that is something we all signed up for and all received, good year or hard year. Positive things from it are still being processed and are on the way.

4.) YAVA (Young Adult Volunteer Alum) who had atrociously difficult years still attend YAV events and support the program. One of them even made a book about it. David Lamont reminded us that being a YAV means that you are a risk-taker. To me, risks are a risk for a reason. If the risk blows up in your face (or at least seems like it does), choose to be the type of person who is still glad to have accepted the challenge. It may take time to choose that, and that's okay.

5.) The YAV program is worth the risk.

Still Not Ghost Ranch

6.) With some of the stories I heard, I can't believe some of my fellow volunteers survived, but you know what? They survived. And they are tougher than nails! Some of them don't even realize the change they've gone through. I reconnected with some people at re-entry who were angry about their year, but hoo-doggy, they are stronger people now. Some people I met who were quiet at orientation are vocal now. Some who seemed less confident in talking to others were making a point to get to know people better that they didn't know as well at orientation. Some people just stand taller now, or crack jokes more, or play things off with more grace. Keep in mind that I'm speaking of people who had hard years.

7.) People who have a rough year during a year of service is not strictly a YAV thing. That is an any service program thing. What about the Peace Corps? Does everyone have fun with the Peace Corps? No, you guys. Not everyone has fun with the Peace Corps. (But again, some do!)

8.) I'm so grateful for the people who run the YAV program. It's not an easy job, and I know you guys do everything within your power to help all YAVs have a great year. I bet you don't get told thank you enough, so thank you guys for everything you do. The YAV program has changed my life for the better in so many ways, and that couldn't have happened without your help. Butt-kissing accomplished.

9.) Anyone who had a hard year, I love you guys, and I hope I made that obvious to those I encountered. I hope this post did not downplay or belittle your hardships and experiences, nor make you sound silly. Some of the things you told me about would have made me cry if I was in your position, and I admire how bad ass you all are. After every storm there is a rainbow, and if you turn off the bathroom lights and whisper my name three times into the mirror, I will appear and take you to a rainbow and we will dance upon it. We can even dance the jitterbug if you want.

Part 2 on the way!